My employees don’t get along—now what?

Every month, Kate Teves, HR consultant, recruiter and founder of The HR Pro, answers Realtors’ questions about anything and everything related to human resources. Have a question for Kate? Send her an email.

As an HR consultant, I often get called in when two employees, two managers, or a combination of people are caught in a loop of rolling eyes, passive-aggressive emails, under-the-breath remarks and tense meeting-room silences you could cut with a dull knife.

Sometimes the conflict is subtle, little jabs taking place by leaving the other person off important emails or having business meetings when they aren’t around. Sometimes it’s loud enough that the entire office is aware, and other staff take sides, adding even further conflict to the mix. And sometimes it’s so bad that it taints their perception of how to perform the tasks in a way that is best for the company instead of how to further get under the work nemesis’s skin.

Whatever the form, unresolved conflict costs businesses in productivity, morale, and retention, and can even create legal headaches.

So, let’s talk about how to de-escalate, reset, and (with luck) turn tension into teamwork, with a dash of humour to keep business owners sane.

1: Recognise that “It’s just a personality clash” is not a strategy

Many employers shrug off friction as “they are just different.” But if the conflict is well-known, ongoing, and affecting the workplace, you have a legal obligation to step in; especially if it drifts into harassment, discrimination, or creates a hostile work environment.

NOTE:  Ignoring it isn’t neutral; it’s a liability. In Canada, for example, most provinces’ occupational health and safety laws require employers to investigate workplace harassment complaints, and harassment can include repeated, unwelcome behaviours that stem from conflict.

2: Start with a neutral, fact-finding conversation

• Speak to each person privately
• Ask for facts, not feelings (though feelings will inevitably show up)
• Look for patterns such as timing, triggers, and recurring themes

TIP: Avoid asking “So what’s your problem with this person?” It tends to lead to 45 minutes of venting and very little progress (trust me). Instead, try: “Can you share examples of situations that are challenging for you? Was it the request, the timing or the delivery?”  Try to find a pattern in the behaviour that is causing issues.

3: Create a safe, structured conversation

I’m a big fan of what I call the “Switzerland Session,” a joint meeting with clear ground rules:

• One person speaks at a time, no interrupting
• Focus on behaviours and impacts, not personal attacks
• End with agreed-upon action steps

Sometimes, this is enough to reset the dynamic. Sometimes, it’s just the start. Either way, the goal is to replace assumptions with understanding.

I’ve often used the quote by Kahlil Gibran: “Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost”, because assumptions will kill more conversations than open disagreements ever will.

4: Build empathy 

The truth is, people often clash because they don’t understand each other’s pressures, priorities, or communication styles. Activities like:

• Role reversal exercises: Have each person explain the other’s role as if they were applying for the job.
• Joint problem-solving: Assign them a non-urgent, low-stakes project they must complete together.

5: Set boundaries and accountability

Agree on specific, measurable behaviours that will help respect each other’s roles and boundaries:

No more than two reply-all emails per day, avoid discussing budget issues in front of the team, take it offline, speak kindly about each other even if you do not agree, etc

If the conflict persists despite interventions, you may need to consider reassignments, role changes, or disciplinary action.

Workplace conflict is inevitable. Unchecked workplace conflict is dangerous for culture, productivity, and legal compliance. But with a structured approach, empathy-building exercises, and a commitment to follow-through, even your most oil-and-water pairs can find a way to get the job done.